What do we know?

What do know?  Is it Instinctive knowledge or institutive thought?  We know it is wrong to kill, wrong to hurt another person yet the life cycle of a caterpillar to a butterfly we study. Can we be taught that it is okay to hurt another person or that killing is acceptable?  Sure, unfortunately, some are so, what do we really know?  How do we come to understand truth, understand God?  Our knowledge of God dwells within us desperately attempting to surface. First we hear, we hear the call of God to a loving, unconditional relationship. Next we need to process and believe the message of the heart. For most people in this world step one and step two are as far as they are willing to travel for steps three and four can be arduous, time consuming, frustrating and even painful. Faith is not for the weak, the downtrodden or those who easily quit. Faith begins with listening, truly hearing the words of the heart, it then turns to belief.  Belief is where it becomes tricky for our understanding is twofold: believing the truths of God is first and for most and, second, we need to find the confidence to believe these truth exist for us; individually and personally. Step three is acceptance of truth on a personal level, AKA our worthiness. It is easy to believe that God puts no conditions on his love, he is perfect or that he will continually forgive if true sorrow is present. But it is also easy to say that while this is a Godly truth, and others receive these grace, I am not worthy of such a grace. Step three includes an introspection of self to determine our worth, to find God dwelling in our hearts, to connect with self and with God. When a child gets a good grade on a test we reward her with a special treat, ice cream or a later bedtime. At a very young age we come to understand that life is a series of rewards and punishments, that our actions determine our fate. This is where things begin to go awry and life's course forever altered. If society deems what is good and bad, if we judge our actions according to this moral code by which society created as a system of checks and balances, then by no means should we believe that any sort of lack of judgment or unconditional love is to be extended for us. Life's choices are difficult, we blunder, we fall and having been trained, from our youth, that when we make a mistake we must ensue a reprimand or a exclusion of some sort, why would God not do the same?  We are only getting what we deserved, right?  If a child   draws on the wall with markers and crayons then he will not be permitted desert that night. Or if she sneaks out with her friends to a party and gets caught, she will not be permitted to drive the car for a month.  We can project this idea upon our own Christian duties.  Our days are long and filled with to do lists, clouded by hesitations and deafened by chattery gossip and often we forget to listen to God or be aware of God's presence throughout the day.  Since our baptismal promise was to live our faith and we ignored God thus ignoring our faith for the day; therefore, using the logic granted by human civilization, we do not deserve what God has promised.  By this logic we can surmise that God is for everyone just not me for we believe His words, we trust in His promise we just have removed ourselves from the equation.  Feeling justified, we personally exclude ourselves from the promises of the heart as a personal punishment for our lack of self esteem.  We withhold God's love for ourselves because we look with distain and criticism, we judge our every action with a scrupulous conscience deeming things wrong and unworthy when they are simple human actions, most taught from a very young age.  God knows that we are human, he made us, he knows we are flawed. It is we who have not figured this out yet for our longstanding strive for perfection impedes upon our clarity of the reality of God as well as the fictitious standards set by society attempting to promote us to the top.  But let us step back and ask ourselves, "What top?", "What does it mean to be at this coveted top?"  Thinking the existence of perfection can be found on earth; this we seek, this we desiderate hoping the next drive will make it to the green for one last putt.   Each time we fall short of this perfection we lessen our value and our worth decreases exponentially, leaving us to feel unaccomplished and yes, a failure. This vicious cycle continues until we purposefully put an end to the insane thoughts carved out by societal opinions, judgmental comments and critical analysis of a foreign falsehood; perfection itself. Constantly comparing ourselves with and to others, we come to dislike our person for imperfections in every aspect of our life are found; this is humanity, imperfection, flawed beings we are, flawed beings we must accept.  We make mistakes, we forgive, we make mistakes again, we learn.  Problems arise when we do the same things over and over again without thought, without learning for this is when insanity sets in allowing frustration and anxiety perch upon the soul.  Life is a game, an educational game but a game none the less, one in which we learn, should we be open to hearing, that mistakes run concurrently with humanity.  This lesson is, indeed, a difficult lesson for ingrained in our thoughts, again from our youth, is this need to become perfect. Once we can dismiss this ideal, once we understand that achieving 100 percent on every test is not probable for life comes with exams we have not yet prepared for, once we discover that mistakes will not be our demise rather our opportunity for growth we can begin to accept our shortcomings and begin to walk the long road toward self acceptance. Fighting the common notion of the evils of the human intent, we begin to unravel the truths of our lives, the truths inherently known, innately written and preserved on our soul.  Inscribed in our hearts the the truth of God's love, the truth of God's promise which, should we listen closely, echoes throughout our soul. Step three, self acceptance, unraveling our skewed sense of worth is so difficult, so trying that many fail and never look back.  Though hardships and blunders accompany true self acceptance, this  step is a necessary prerequisite to step four which is maintaining our worth as we deepen our relationships with self, with God and with others. If we struggled with step three, let's face it, who didn't, then step four with also be a struggle. Maintaining our epiphany is difficult for we do not live in seclusion rather we are constantly bombarded by negativity, nay sayers, unbelievers and just mean people who have no problem with harsh words, critical comments; those who judge for judgment's sake. Constant pressure to revert to the rewards and punishment way of life is easy for its message is familiar yet this is the furthest from what God wants or intended for us. Our worth is not determined by how good we are or how many mistakes we made. We must remember that our worth is determined in the love of God and only in the love of God. If God wanted perfect beings he would not have blessed us with free will. We would be idle robots walking around without thought, without the ability to reason. Yet we have the ability to make choices, to make mistakes and learn from such mistakes, it is in our choice to learn from our mistakes that makes the difference in our relationships and our acceptance of our very own worth.   This gift of free will repurposes our gift of worthiness. God does not keep score, he does not have a scale of all our good deeds weighing against our mistakes or purposefully misdirections. God knows love, he provides love. Our job is to embrace this love, wrap in his love. A true introspection, minus the harsh critical judgmental words readily learned as a child and we find truth, we find hope, we find peace, we find joy, we find love. Yes, all of which are ours for the taking, our only payment is self acceptance. A small price to pay for such a blessing which, when honestly accepted, alters the course, every facet of our lives for it is with acceptance that we begin to live. Living in love, the love of God, brings about freedom yet we need God, we depend upon God for the heart knows God and rests in. Him. When we accept self, faults and all, when we accept God's unconditional love, it is then we come to the understanding and belief that we can love ourselves unconditionally and be loved unconditionally by others.  Worth, our worth, resonates with the image of Jesus' outstretched arms on the cross. Nailed to the wooden planks which idolize the human idiosyncrasies of fabricated realities deemed valid by societal judgments, Christ opened His arms that He may embrace love, embrace our pain and cradle us in His love.  When we waver, and we will, when we waver on our worthiness, we need only look to the crucifix...strength, yes in a broken body, an oxymoron in human terms, yet a promise of worth and love in Godly terms. Here, in the person of Christ, lies perfection.  Perfection is but a godly term not an earthly accomplishment. So let us stop the scrutinization of our beings, our our worth and let us accept God's invitation of worth for it is coupled with an conditionless freedom which, when accepted as our own, resonates unconditional love.  This love is our lifeline to further our connection with the reality of God which permits us to accept our flawed humanity and live our worth in the beauty of this life.  Sanctified by Christ we are less than perfect but we are beautiful just the same. So what do we know? We intrinsically know truth and, should we accept it, we intrinsically know love, the Father's love selflessly offered that we may live the grandeur of our worth in the glory of God's love now and for always.