Awaiting Love

Here I am, wanting to be Your love, wanting be be that others come to know. I sit and I wait, love will come. Here I stand in the silence, I stand in wait, waiting for love to be mine. Time passes and still I wait. When will this love You offer be mine?  When will I be able to claim this love as my own?  More time passes, chatter, lots of chatter, chaos even but still no love.  I grow impatient, this waiting, why need I wait so long? Aggravation gets the best of me, I am done waiting, love not my prize to accept. Questions brewing, agitation my confidant I make one last stance for love; one stillness, one quietness, one glimpse of promises love. Chaos ensues, life runs amuck, that for which I waited for so long never came.  I my waiting I lost my understanding, for it was in my waiting that I  became hesitant, I became cynical. That which was promised, love which was promised was nothing short of idle illusions, love, in my waiting, never came. So here I stand, still wanting love, yet increasingly tired of waiting. Time has come to go, go do, act as one of faith, treat others the way I wish to be treated. If there be no such thing as love, then at least let there be joy. And so my actions must be that to persuade others to see, to feel joy.  I have failed in my attempt to being love so let me not fail in this attempt to bring joy. The smiles, the warm embraces, joy is being shared, joy is a probability of living faith so why not love?  Ah, love, there in the actions of faith, there in the conversations with a stranger, there in the warmest of embraces...love is present, love exists within me, how did I never see it? It was the waiting, the dark cynicism of the ego prodding me to become stagnant, to forget how to feel, to wish not to experience. And so I sat, I sat in waiting, waiting for love to come to me when it was love which I already possessed for I was born to love, born to be love. In my hesitation I had forgotten this truth, forgotten that intimately the Father knows me, intimately He has shared love with me; me.  As the ego slowly worked its way into control, I became stoic, emotionless, building walls in the hopes of finding solace after which I became bitter thinking love escaped my grips, love just a hoax. It was in retrospect that I came to understand that in my stock state, of which I gasp for my breath, love was not the villain, love was not the culprit choking the life from me; rather it was love which kept me alive, love which maintained my breath  and  steadied my pulse. In my wake I lost clarity, confusion became my mate; it was not until I decided to act did love show its hand for love is active. Actively it kept me alive during my stasis, love kept my being from atrophy, kept me from wasting away to the indifference pledged by pride. Love is in the stillness, it is in the waiting it is in these time is acts as my cornerstone, maintaining my existence in the Father’s reality. Grappling with the ego no longer, my motion fluid, active, no lover passive for I know the actuality of the Father’s love. Strong it is in me, stronger it is in my actions. Actions of love perpetrated by trust in the Father’s words, I move in love, to be love, to give love without question, without hesitation for I understand, fully, the complexities of lethargy in waiting. Love is my person, it is the cornerstone of my understanding, the essence of my belief. No longer do I stand in wait, waiting for Your love for I am and always will be Your love now it is my turn to show You my acceptance of such love. I will act: actively listen, actively pursue, actively live my faith that others my affirm love, that others may feel You love as a constant presence and not succumb to the antics of the ego. Waiting for love an impossibility for love is who I am, who we all are, this the wait is over and action of love begins. Love alive, love active, love my breath, my hope, my understanding, my purpose.